artisticliberty | [reverie] inbox.

[ After much deliberation and a dash of existential horror Ren has come to the conclusion that he is an ass. Just. A fact of life, completely divorced from behavior and context and laid out in the sun for close if unscientific examination, Amamiya Ren is an ass and them's just the facts.

Communication had been sparse, but ultimately it's this discovery that pushes Ren to reconnect the loose ends to he'd left dangling last time he turned up on Yusuke's doorstep like this. Unannounced, conflicted but willing to eat some crow or else he wouldn't be here knocking on Yusuke's door, smiling sheepishly when it opens. ]

Hi. Can we talk?

[yusuke is surprised, of course--he wasn't expecting to see ren today, only really planning to hash out a few sketches in his mind. so the surprise is fairly evident on his face when he opens the door]

--Ren. Of course, please come in.

[he'll open the door to let ren enter, and he can see yusuke's sketchbook open on the table if he wishes to peruse]

Thanks.

[ True, Ren could've checked in over the comms - distance through text, like the true Gen Xers they are. He's done as much in their world, but the goings-on there didn't give him time to stop or falter, and he always seemed to have the right answers for what was going on.

He comes in, dithers by circling the table and peering at the sketches, but he's not really looking at them unless something familiar crops up. His focus is elsewhere. ]

I didn't see you the last couple weeks. I was wondering... [ was it his fault? How things ended last time left a bad taste in his mouth, and then the sickness set in, and. ] how you were.

[there are some more designs of wings, outstretched, but many of them have a big X crossed over, like yusuke became too dissatisfied with the design to want to continue. maybe he's been feeling frustrated?

yusuke brings a hand to rub at his forehead, the space between his eyes]

I'm alright, though I am currently battling some art block. I'm having difficulty staying inspired for more than short periods of time.

[ Not what - okay that's a lie, that is entirely a Yusuke responsetothe situation if Yusuke is I need aware that a situation exists. In spite of himself Ren finds himself smiling with open confusion. ]

I'm sorry to hear that but - Yusk, did you go outside? At all?

[ There was sorta some stuff going on, man. ]

[he has to pause and think about the answer to that question, which is not a good sign]

Yes, I went to get some coffee a few days ago.

[... and that was it, apparently]

[ UUUUUHHHHHH ]

And you didn't think anything was especially strange?

[ Like. There were invisible people and all, but. ]

Things did seem to be somewhat chaotic when I went out, which is why I decided that the best thing to do would be to stay in and work on my art.

[a simple solution, as far as yusuke is concerned]

[ ((internal screaming)) but also god he loves you so much right now. Ren wants to live in the world where that infection crap apparently just didn't exist and the worst that life could throw at him was some art block. ]

You didn't miss much, honestly. Don't worry about it.

[ Hehe. He was a ghost, so. There literally wasn't anything to miss... get it... ]

And anyway I came over cuz I wanted to apologize for last time. It wasn't cool how I acted so, I want to - yeah. Sorry I let it sit this long.

... has that been weighing on your mind all this time?

[ Ren taps the open sketchbook directly over a large cross over one rough draft. ]

It's been on yours too.

[yusuke ducks his head, a bit chagrined--yes, he must be obvious, especially in his art]

That is--it hasn't been the only thing on my mind. I had some other things to think about.

[he's a bad liar, always has been]

[ It wasn't meant to be a jab at how obvious or not Yusuke was being; Ren's interest is in the wellness of his friend when he's not doing that great himself. So Ren closes the sketchbook and, choosing not to sit on the table as he did last time, slips his hands into his pockets and uses his best it's okay tone. ]

Talk to me, Yusuke.

[the tone of ren's voice is reassuring, and it puts yusuke at ease even as he's admitting something he's not entirely proud of]

I... thought that you might not wish to spend time with me. It wouldn't be fair to want to monopolize your time. And... I did not wish for you to think that I was ignoring your feelings.

When would you have been ignoring my feelings?

[ Equally as gentle, Ren wants to push back on Yusuke being so deferential to Ren when it isn't that necessary, when they'd both rather be able to socialize with one another and be comfortable with the boundaries they set forth.

Ren recognizes he was a little harsh, but Yusuke isn't exactly letting him apologize and it makes a tiny voice niggling at Ren get just a bit louder in his head like maybe Ren opened a door, was that much closer to finding the source. ]

I can say no when I don't want to hang out. I don't think you could ever be accused of monopolizing my time, and not especially when time's sorta all we have out here.

...Something's the matter, and I don't want to pressure you but if I can help I want to, if you'll let me.

Of course I want you to. I would never refuse your help. Being with you, near you, has always helped me with my problems in the past. I wanted to go to you, but I know you were still reeling from your rejection... I thought I would only make things worse.

[this kind of thinking, this feeling of unworthiness and self-doubt... it's a rare look on yusuke, who so often lacks self-awareness]

[ It isn't a good look and for Ren's typical impassivity concern makes a considerable dent, something shadowed crossing his expression. ]

Point still stands: I could say no if I didn't want to see you.

[ Is it that hard to see that Ren is flawed? He's trying to apologize for not recognizing his unsociable disposition last time, but more than that he's telling you, Kitagawa Yusuke, that you help put him at ease and that that's separate from how well he's handling Yusuke's confession.

Which he's handling. Better than earlier. He's maybe even handling his rejection better because things feel normal enough, if a bit distant with his best friend, but it isn't a subject he likes to dwell on.

Ren's head tips down, attempting to chase Yusuke's downcast line of sight. ]

Hey? I trust you.

[yusuke meets ren's gaze and lifts his own, a small smile forming on his lips]

I am honored to receive your trust.

[ There's a smile there too, albeit creased at the edges. ]

But what do you need for me to make things right?

[glancing at ren, yusuke studies him for a moment before speaking]

Would you allow me to touch you?

[he lifts one of his hands for emphasis, though that question is kind of... vague. touch where??]

[ Ren's eyes briefly track his fingertips, but there doesn't seem to be any concern about a strange request coming from Yusuke, of all people. ]

Yeah, 'course.

[yusuke closes the distance between them immediately, both hands coming up to touch ren's face, fingertips sliding along his cheeks and thumbs touching the ridges of his cheekbones. his eyes roam over ren's face with a look of intent, but he doesn't say anything, just holds ren's face in his hands. he studies him like that, memorizing ren as best he can.]

[ For his own sake Ren lets his mind go completely blank.

It's a small blessing that the sensation in his skin is less - anything to mute the source of the hammering creeping high in his throat that he can feel beat yet harder when he lifts his chin to help. No comments, no betrayal of how tenuously such scrutiny makes him feel save for the quick flutter of his eyelashes before he simply stares back at him. ]

[yusuke's heart aches to look at ren like this for so long, yearns for him, but at the same time it soothes the feelings of doubt and hesitance. he licks his lips and for a moment it looks like he's going to kiss him--but instead he just pulls ren into his arms, lets his hands wind around him and tangle into his hair, holds him close despite a slight tremble in his shoulders]

Yusuke-kun! I have a question.

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action; post-body horror

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@noir