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[ As promised, Ren is doing better about following up on pacts he makes with his friends. In his discoveries, he's found that he's much more susceptible to doing so in times of great need, when unable to engage in the willful ignorance he's adopted in increasing doses throughout his time here.

The less said about the last few weeks the better. ]

I find myself in need of relaxation. Do you have any in supply?

As a matter of fact, I just might. Look what I found this morning.

[the next text is a picture of yusuke holding two bottles of black and white paint--though the label says they're for costume/cosplay purposes only]

What a welcome sight.

Would you mind if I came over there?

By all means. I'll be waiting.

Thanks Yusuke.

[ In no time at all Ren's made his way over to Yusuke's. Despite the odd visit in the past few months Ren finds that he doesn't have a strong memory of the place without what he expects to be there: easels, canvases, scattered paint containers.

Still, when he knocks there's a palpable sense of anticipation, the threads pulling him toward Yusuke tightening to the detriment of others that had held him too fast and too long. Honestly, it's a relief.

Hope it's not an issue that Ren knocks briefly and then allows himself in; he is expected, after all. ]

[yusuke doesn't have a lot of items on his person at the moment, so his (single) room is pretty bare--but the art supplies he does have are on display. his sketchbook, paint, paintbrushes, and drawing utensils are scattered on his bed, and he was just pulling up a chair for ren to sit on when he glances up to see him.]

Please, come in.

[as ren approaches, he'll notice that the sketchbook is open to a page detailing a pair of elegantly feathered wings protruding from a human-shaped back. the human is vague, but the feathers are sketched with precision and detail.]

[ Following inside, there's a small smile for Yusuke as he trails in, the open sketchbook instantly catching his attention. ]

This is the design you were talking about, right?

[ His fingertips find the wings and trace the fletching, careful not to press too hard in case the ink wasn't quite dry or cheap and liable to smudge. The sketch is undeniably beautiful and more figurative an interpretation of what Yusuke wants to paint on him, sure.

But. Ren feels something rise in his throat to see it made concrete, committed first to the page, then to Ren's body, reverberations of the observation deck and what Yusuke declared there.

Is this how Yusuke sees him? Has Ren been looking the wrong way this whole time? ]

Yes, this is the design I wish to paint on you. Though it be temporary, the act of painting it and seeing it will no doubt be more than enough to satisfy me.

[yusuke seems pretty geared up for this, anyway. it's worth noting that the wings on the page are sketched in dark, grey shades--that may just be for the sake of contrast and concrete detail, but it's also worth noting that the only colors yusuke has right now are black and white.

what does the image of someone with dark, grey wings bring to mind vis-a-vis symbolism? this will be on the midterm, so pay attention.]

Please take off your shirt and make yourself comfortable.

Mm. I mean I'm looking forward to finding out what it feels like to get painted on but also bracing myself against the likelihood that it'll be cold? Space is cold, anywho.

[ And looking forward to the relaxation of the exercise, of course, but if there is going to be a quiz ahead then Ren needs to pay attention to what's said. Some ideas come to mind, assumptions there to be made about the nature of angels and what colors their wings change to when they fall.

Acquiescent, Ren peels away his jacket and shirt in anticipation of a new dark outer layer. To start with they can arrange Ren like he was the first time, a chair turned around so he can lean forward and rest on his folded arms. Hopefully that gives enough access until the arms have to be moved to incorporate into the larger piece.

Knowing this makes Ren run a hand through his thick hair and push aside the weight he can feel at the nap, oddly self-conscious of being an imperfect subject. Maybe imperfection is on his mind lately. ]

...How have you been, Yusuke?

[their previous position seems to suit yusuke just fine, as he situates himself behind ren and begins preparing the paints]

I'm wonderful, now that you're here.

[did he mean for that to sound so adoring? maybe, maybe not.]

That is to say, I've been focusing on my art lately, and making decent progress, so I cannot say I am unwell.

[...]

In other words, I'm fine. How are you?

[ ...

Ren's eyes slant toward the side, catching what movement he can, spending his mental energy on interpreting that rather than wondering if he should have been more obvious, too.

A thin, elegant hand gathering supplies and laying them carefully. An admiring note that sounds more like an overture to a greater symphony. Shouldn't Ren open his ears and listen? ]

Bad.

[ Even Haru got a less naked admission. It seems harsh to be this direct but Ren is tired of the subject, tired of feeling like he has to be strong no matter the cost. ]

But I think I'm better over here, with you.

[yusuke's hand mixing the paints stills for a moment, glancing down at his makeshift palette (it's a piece of cardboard) as he lingers on ren's words, his tone. it takes him a moment to reply, resisting the urge to get entirely wrapped up in his thoughts.]

... I'm sorry to hear that. You're welcome to stay here for as long as you like.

[if he can ease some of ren's pain, yusuke will be satisfied. and he won't feel so selfish for imposing on ren or harboring desires for him, either. gently he places a hand at the back of ren's neck.]

I wouldn't mind that at all. Now, then... this will take a while, so please speak up if you need to move or stretch for any reason.

[ it isn't selfish. Or, he hopes it isn't selfish to want someone, and for them to know you want them and to try to coexist with them without acting on those desires. Not only because of Ren's predicament, his self-loathing, but to spare Yusuke the same.

He should. He should... do. Whatever it is he needs to figure out. ]

Would that be okay? I don't want to impose, and anyway I bet the paint will take a little bit to dry. Then we can take pictures to your satisfaction and for posterity. Sound good?

[ The brief tense in his neck goes quickly. Maybe Ren is a bit more relaxed after, nestling his head into his arms with a tiny patch of heat making contact. ]

I will. You can go ahead, Yusuke.

To be honest, that sounds ideal to me. Please don't hold back on my behalf.

[spending an afternoon with ren, painting him and relaxing with him? yusuke's had daydreams about this. without further ado, he begins to paint over ren's back, in short, small strokes to begin the first traces of feathers at the top of ren's spine. the paint is cool, yes, but it doesn't stay cold for very long. yusuke's short, focused brushstrokes may be helping with that.

his other hand has to hold the palette, so there's no more of yusuke's fingertips gently brushing ren's skin. yusuke seems comfortable with the silence, and doesn't expect ren to break it unless he wants to.]

[ It's good advice. Ren hums his assent, mulling over what that would mean in this case. Something wonderful that Ren could reach for if he knew how to, if it was okay and free of doubt. Maybe better to do what he felt capable of.

And this would be the calmest afternoon Ren has had in a while. He was afraid of the paint's coldness but Yusuke's diligence is a kindness, his skin acclimatizing quickly, a canvas that soaks color eagerly. It's a fair replacement for the warmth of Yusuke's fingers, more than fair because paint is the conduit for Yusuke's love and that is applied in quick, careful strokes. He exists to make the world more beautiful than it was.

And... Ren supposes that he needs that right now - to be what Yusuke sees him as.

It's comfortable and familiar to lay here, quiet, directing his thoughts away from rougher waters, a task that's, funny enough, harder to do without Yusuke's touch. The paintbrush should be just as good - it's an extension of Yusuke, after all. But something also lacks that Ren can't explain and doesn't want to ask about.

For a while he embraces the silence, preferring it to the nervous noise he made and heard in the past few weeks just to fill the air, to dispel dangerous sentiment. Anger. So, so much sadness.

He doesn't want to interrupt Yusuke's concentration but the question rises to his tongue almost without his meaning to, very softly. ]

Does this make you happy?

[yusuke's reply comes from somewhere near ren's ear, a warm, fond chuckle]

Of course it does. I would have thought I'd have been obvious about my enjoyment of it. Painting, yes, but painting you specifically? Brings me immense joy.

[100% from the heart--that's yusuke. he's never been very good at hiding his true feelings.]

[ It's sheepish, but a smile is there in his voice. ]

Sounds dumb when I ask it like that.

[ True feelings are something that it's getting harder for Ren to discern, and that's why he asked. when you spend all this time thinking you're seeing something, hearing something, interpreting it as one thing when it turns out to be wrong in very specific way you tend to start doubting yourself severely. You unlearn what it is to trust yourself if you suffer such a deep wound.

Yusuke being so open with him feels incredibly important even as he fights his senses and their newfound mistrust. Ren wants To Know. ]

It brings me immense joy to bring you immense joy, how about that.

I've been thinking about that a lot as of late - my friends and how they inform who I am. What I should do when something gets in the way of that, and how to overcome it.

[ Yusuke would be right to assume that this is on the nose with what they talked about last time they hung out, though "hung out" is an awfully casual term for that evening. ]

I guess what I mean is my bonds are all I can count on here to get me through, so I need to do whatever I can to keep them strong even when a lot of uncertainty is suddenly injected into the stream.

So. I want to make you happy, Yusuke.

[there's no response except yusuke's quiet and careful brush strokes, and then... softly, his fingers touch the nape of ren's neck, just the fingertips.]

Nothing can threaten our bond. I will still love you even if you aren't at your best. Even if you decide you cannot return my feelings. Even if we are galaxies apart. Do you understand that, Ren?

[ ~~Just the fingertip, eh~~

Ren's in no position to argue Yusuke's feelings, nodding into his arms. Something about the touch pulls him up short though, the fact that his breath hitches just that briefest moment barely audible over the him of the station's engines. Beneath the table, Ren's toes curl inside their shoes.

How then... ]

If I didn't... Hypothetically speaking, if I didn't return them how is it that you wouldn't be hurt? Or does that hurt not matter?

[ Are you just stronger than I am? ]

To have my feelings acknowledged... that, more than anything else, is what I wanted. Of course I want my feelings to be returned. Of course I want there to be no obstacles between us. Of course it hurts, knowing we cannot be together the way I wish for. But you have already given me the most important thing, the thing I needed the most--your trust, and your honesty, and your willingness to accept my feelings.

[yusuke has to pause and swallow something in his throat, because despite his determination, there is still some pain to overcome. but he's willing to keep going.]

That means everything, to me. That is why I will not allow the hurt to overwhelm me. That is why I keep painting.

[ Ah, he sees. Yusuke is a better person than he is.

If it were Ren... anger is too present within him to be able to push it down completely, and the bitterness that sticks in the back of his throat is calling, like to spit out if he opens his mouth at the wrong time. It's why he can't go directly to the source of it, why he has to spend time to steady himself first. ]

I'm asking hypothetically.

[ He's smiling with his voice again, but it's tinted wet at the edges. The possibility still exists, after all, but it has to clear a few bars before Ren will let himself - ]

I wouldn't do anything to make you think your feelings are unwelcome, cuz they're not. I have... all the love and time in the world for you, whichever way this goes.

[maybe. but he loves ren.]

Then I consider myself quite fortunate. Stretch out your arm for me, if you would.

[yusuke continues to paint in those short, quick brush strokes along the back of ren's shoulder and arm, until the tips of the feathers on his right side are done]

Would you like to take a break? I'm about halfway done at this point.

[ Ren loves Ryuji too. Loving Yusuke as well just seems painfully selfish of Ren at that point and he'll feel guilty about it as he wants to whike Ren obediently extending his arm, the brush licking down it. ]

Yeah, I could use a stretch. Thanks.

[ Ren is careful not to ruin Yusuke's work when he rises and gently rolls kinks out of his neck. There aren't any mirrors in here, but if he turns he can catch the dark tips in his peripheral thanks to his thin frame, the work only half done.

It... also leaves no more barrier between him and Yusuke when Ren takes a seat on the table's edge, bending forward to avoid smudging the paint. This has the side effect of bringing him and Yusuke's eyeline about level. ]

I do know what you're going through. If I didn't have any reservations you wouldn't have to be, but I'm glad you told me.

[yusuke had his head down, busy with mixing more paint, but when ren's gaze enters his periphery, he glances at him out of the corner of his eye]

... what are your reservations, if I might ask?

[he understood that ren was concerned about thinking of someone else while intimate with him, but only in a vague sense. it was a good enough reason for him, but kind of abstract, too.]

[ Ren nods; fair enough. He hasn't exactly been forthcoming, but it's also kinda unsavory with how recently everything's gone down. ]

That I... also fessed up to liking someone, and was soundly turned down.

And I haven't really talked to him since.

[ Biting at his lips, Ren shifts uncomfortably, eyes falling to the floor. ]

I didn't want to come to you and return your feelings without considering the possibility that I might only do it out of a... hm. A need to feel better.

text; un: joker

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